i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This house was built for laser tag.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
