her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
