look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
