Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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