Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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