i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
