Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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