she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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