how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
