Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
