Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize