I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
