I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
how drunk are you?
Several
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
