Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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