Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
