drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
