the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
