I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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