All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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