My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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