dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
