I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
