remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
