My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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