I wanna bring you to show and tell
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
