her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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