Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
