know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
