is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
