I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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