No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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