Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
