I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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