She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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