i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
