She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think my moral compass just broke
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
