I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
