Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
