my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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