I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
