508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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