why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
