i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
