So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize