So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
