how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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