dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
