Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
