her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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