i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
