You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I deserve this hangover.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
