you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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