I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
