Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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