# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
