I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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