I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
