Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
