dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
