im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize