I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
