Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
