This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
People in love make me want to vomit
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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