i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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