Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
