Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
