Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
