I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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