i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
