R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Are we still banned from the library?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize