She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
