Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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