A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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