drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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