you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
