I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
