all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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