hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
